5 Don’ts to Sex

Everyone wants to be a better lover and we all want great sex. Well, I don’t know if that’s true about you, but I know it’s true about me. It’s also true that sex is one of the main things fought about in relationships along with money and whether or not the toilet seat gets put down. There are dozens of books out there to help you improve all the right things about your sex life, but I’ve discovered that if you work on five simple don’ts, your sex life will become steamier, even without learning how to do that crazy thing with your tongue.

My novel, Losing Faith, is an exploration of sexual fantasies and how they affect relationships–marriage relationships, friendships, even work relationships. In the book, the characters have to face these don’ts in order to open themselves up to the experiences they want to have. It’s a novel about Faith’s exploration into her sexual side and how Selby goes along for the ride. Because they overcome these fears and don’ts, they are able to enjoy a side of themselves that had been boxed up. Let’s take a peek at what not to do for a better sex life.

Not Everything Needs to Be Shared

Hello? Hello? Anyone there?

Last week we talked about how sometimes I suck at communication with the girls and the ways that I’ve overcome some of those malfunctions and the tricks that I have learned. At the end of the piece, it may have seemed as if I contradicted point one, make sure everyone knows everything, with point three, not everyone in the family needs to know everything. However, each point was referring to something else in that all-encompassing word “everything”. Everyone does need to know each other’s schedules and important dates, so that we can make sure we don’t over book ourselves. We need to know the highlights of each other’s day and when someone is hurting, so that we can join in the celebration or hold them up until the trial passes. Still, in our family, sometimes staying silent is better. The trick is to know when not to communicate something.

Now, before we go any further, allow me to stress that I am not referring to keeping secrets. Secrets can kill a relationship and usually means someone is doing something they shouldn’t be. If this is happening, then your relationship already has major issues.

The Communication Malfunction

What did you want again?

“Don’t forget the Clarks are coming over today,” I said to Char on our daily lunch conversation.

“Oh? When did this happen?”

“Tuesday. Remember? I told you that Teri had set it up and we were going to do a game night thing.” I already knew how the rest of this conversation was going to play out, but I had to keep going anyway. You would think I’d learn by now, surrender, and just get my apology over with. I’m stubborn when it comes to learning things, however.

“Um, no, you never told me. Must have been Sarah.”

“I’m sure I told you. I tell each of you everything. I know the trouble I get in if I don’t.” And I was once again in trouble, because I hadn’t told her. You would think I would have this problem under control by now and, to be honest, I do try. However, the problem is once I’ve told one of them, my mind registers that I’ve said it and promptly shifts it to the back of my brain where it floats with everything else I’ve forgotten to tell one of them. You see, when it comes to communication, my brain sometimes is my worst enemy and, therefore, I have to create new ways of getting myself out of trouble. Sometimes it even works.

It’s Fiction, not Autobiography

“I read your book last week.”

“Oh? I hope you liked it.”

“Very much so. But I just have to ask, did you really kill that guy like that? I mean, that was pretty brutal. How did it feel?”

“Excuse me? I haven’t killed anyone. What the hell are you talking about?”

“The murder scene in chapter eleven where you snuck up on Charles while he was getting his kids hot dogs, slit his throat and then stuffed him into the grill. Weren’t you scared?”

“I didn’t kill Charles. My character, Peter Branston killed Charles. It’s a murder mystery, you know, fiction. It’s not a true story.”