 |
| What did you want again? |
“Don’t forget the Clarks are coming over today,” I said to
Char on our daily lunch conversation.
“Oh? When did this happen?”
“Tuesday. Remember? I told you that Teri had set it up and
we were going to do a game night thing.” I already knew how the rest of this
conversation was going to play out, but I had to keep going anyway. You would
think I’d learn by now, surrender, and just get my apology over with. I’m
stubborn when it comes to learning things, however.
“Um, no, you never told me. Must have been Sarah.”
“I’m sure I told you. I tell each of you everything. I know
the trouble I get in if I don’t.” And I was once again in trouble, because I
hadn’t told her. You would think I would have this problem under control by now
and, to be honest, I do try. However, the problem is once I’ve told one of
them, my mind registers that I’ve said it and promptly shifts it to the back of
my brain where it floats with everything else I’ve forgotten to tell one of
them. You see, when it comes to communication, my brain sometimes is my worst
enemy and, therefore, I have to create new ways of getting myself out of
trouble. Sometimes it even works.
While living with three ladies, I have learned a few things
about communication on a family of our size. The first is that it is
important to make sure everyone knows everything. Schedules have to be
discussed so that we don’t overbook ourselves or even double book things. We
need to coordinate vacation times and transportation, as well. It’s also important
to make sure everyone knows who is picking up the 9-year-old so that we all
don’t show up at the school or, even worse, no one shows up. Even funny stories
of the day are important to share with everyone. One of the worst feelings in a
family is that there is an inside joke that you don’t know about but everyone
else does.
This type of communication takes work, but it’s worth the
effort. I have become a big fan of group text, emails, and Facebook Messenger.
If I want to discuss something with the girls and not leave anyone out of the
loop, a group email works great as long as everyone remembers to hit Reply All
and not just Reply. If we want to make sure there are no mistakes or even to
include others in the conversation, we quite often use Facebook’s chat program,
assuming, of course, everyone is on Facebook, but really, who isn’t these days?
If it’s something quick and simple, like informing the girls that I am on my
way home, a group text works perfect. No one is left out or forgotten. Of
course, if it’s something that won’t work well in any of those formats, I make
a note to share at dinner that night or while we are all huddled around in the
living room. I make notes because otherwise I would forget and then I’m back to
being in trouble.
Another thing I’ve learned is that there will be repetition in our
communication. I’ll sometimes forget who I have shared what with and in
my commitment to make sure no one is left out of the loop, I’ll tell them
again. And again. Sometimes I’ll start a story with “Did I tell you about…”and
they can either say yes or no. This saves time and words, if I remember to ask,
that is. Sadly, I don’t always remember and quite often hear, “You told me that
already. Are you getting old?” I am, but that’s not the problem.
Another form of repetition in our family is hearing the same
story from different members. We all want to share and we worry about someone
being left out of the loops, so some things are heard two or three times. Of
course, that’s better than not at all, but it can still be annoying at times.
It also hurts when you want to be the one to share something and someone else
had already spread the word. So, one of the things we have learned is to allow
each person to share their good news with the others. That way they receive the
immediate reactions and accolades that they deserve. Bad news, however, I try
to share in order to spare the hurting person from having to relive the tale.
So far, the system seems to be working pretty well and repetition is down to a
minimum.
Finally, the other communication truth I have learned,
although it may seem like a contradiction to the first one that I mentioned, is
that not
everyone in the family needs to know everything. This one is actually
big enough that we’ll discuss it in more detail next week, but for now it’s
important to realize that some things just don’t need to be shared, such as
jealousies, insecurities, or even fantasies, although those are fun to share.
If two people are having an issue, the other two don’t need the details.
Sometimes, knowing those things can make a small matter explode into a full
blown family fight. Feelings could get hurt where it all could have been
avoided if those having problems were left alone to work it out. If it doesn’t
affect everyone in the family, then sometimes it’s best to just leave it alone.
Communication is important in any relationship. However, the
more people that are involved in that relationship, the more complicated it
becomes. While we may drop the ball at times–me, especially–I’m happy to say we
do pretty well with sharing what needs to be shared. It keeps me from being
left home on vacation, because they forgot to tell me we were going. Of course,
sometimes that may be on purpose.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
For more snippets and sexy tips, join us on Facebook at Behind the Peephole.
What have you missed?
No comments:
Post a Comment